


Expeditions

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [77]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angst, Doom Coalition 3-4 Spoilers, F/M, Foreshadowing, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 05:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: This must be it, River thought.  Funny, she wasn’t sure how it could be.  The Doctor hadn’t met her yet.  Not Pretty Boy; not for the actual, official, last first time.  But there was no way she was going to get out of this.  Not when he was here, the same one who was waiting at home for her on Baker Street, who was singing Milly lullabies and teasing Strax and coming up with a hundred different destinations for their next family holiday.  Not when he needed saving, and the universe needed him to save it.





	Expeditions

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter has a lot of material in it directly from Doom Coalition- I tried not to go into a ton of detail about extraneous characters and plots and just keep it to River and the Doctor, but there are still a lot of spoilers, including pretty much an entire scene right out of DC4. If you haven't listened and don't want to be spoiled, you've been warned!

 

 _This must be it_ , River thought.  Funny, she wasn’t sure how it could be.  The Doctor hadn’t met her yet.  Not Pretty Boy; not for the actual, official, last first time.  But there was no way she was going to get out of this.  Not when he was here, the same one who was waiting at home for her on Baker Street, who was singing Milly lullabies and teasing Strax and coming up with a hundred different destinations for their next family holiday.  Not when he needed saving, and the universe needed him to save it.  

He was trapped in a disintegrating Vortex, and she had to be the gate to pull him through.  She couldn’t come along.  Oddly enough, she felt at peace with it.  It must somehow be destined this way.  He had Helen and Liv to take care of him: two strong, clever, wonderful women who wouldn’t let him get away with being a self-destructive idiot.  She couldn’t think of more capable hands to leave him in.  And the end for her, much as it hurt, wouldn’t be the end.  It was just another step toward the day that, somehow, they’d all be together again.

“Now focus, Doctor,” she said, as his image became clear before her.   “This might sting.”

___

“It’s only sixteenth century England, I doubt I’ll get into any serious trouble,” she reassured him as she packed her travel bag.  “I mean, yes, _some_ suggestion of an ancient cult bringing about the End Times.  I wouldn’t want it to be a _completely_ boring trip.”

The Doctor sighed.  “Is it hypocritical of me to say you’re being completely reckless?”

“Extremely.  But that’s never stopped you before.”

“I get the feeling this is a pot, kettle situation.”

“Well, just enough mutual hypocrisy between us is how we keep each other alive, honey.”

“I’d feel better about that if I were going to be there to do it.”

“You _will_ be there!”

“But not _this_ me.”

“Mmm, actually, pretty sure it is.”

“River, you know what I mean.  I won’t know you.”

“Good thing for me that you frequently put your neck on the line for strangers as well, then.”

He sat on the edge of the bed with a huff, looking at her absolutely pitifully.

“Doctor,” she soothed, abandoning her packing, “I’ll be alright.  You… you know that one of these days, I might not come home.  But I don’t think it’s today.  You haven’t met me yet, officially.  I can’t... go, until at least that’s done.”

The Doctor pulled her close, throwing his arms around her middle and resting his ear over her heart as she stood between his knees.

“Oh, sweetie.”  She stroked his hair, trying not to let the ache in her chest overwhelm her.  “If we treat every time I leave like it’s the last time, we’ll drive ourselves mad.  Trust me, I know.”

“Yes, well, it’s been suggested that I drove there ages ago,” he mumbled into her shirt.  “It’s not out of my way.”

River broke into a smile and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  

“I love you,” she whispered.  “It’ll be alright.”

—

She hadn’t quite expected an expedition that began with posing as a nun to wind up with her on Gallifrey, before the Time War.

Well, the Doctor did tell her she’d been.  Apparently, they weren’t specifically concerned about the Hybrid as of yet, and so not particularly interested in her.  Probably because there were a seemingly infinite number of scenarios currently projected by the Matrix, all of them leading to the eventual destruction of Gallifrey.  All of them, save one.

In that scenario, the entirety of existence— the universe and all of the future— were completely wiped out, so that there was nothing remaining that could possibly cause Gallifrey’s destruction.

If that was Time Lord logic, it was no bloody wonder he left.  Well, between that and all the art deco.

Universe-ending plots being what they were, the Doctor wound up trapped in a disintegrating Time Vortex, and River was transported into the Matrix.

It was like nothing she’d ever seen.  Pure data: a library of souls.  A supercomputer, built of every Time Lord mind.  It was incredible.

But in fact, it was not _completely_ unlike anything she’d ever seen.  The artron energy, the data streams, the endless timelines spinning off into every possibility— it was like the way a TARDIS perceived reality.  Across time and space, all at once; a massive web, and any crosspoint on it just an effortless step away.  

Oh, so many things she could see; so many things she could reach, learn, change.  But it was too dangerous.  She couldn’t risk undoing any part.  The power she wielded here could destroy their entire history if she made the wrong move.  No, she had only one task now.  Her life’s task, her constant goal, always.

Save him.

___

“Who’s that?  Sister Cantica? My perception’s a little mangled by the whole, ‘dying in a screaming Vortex’ thing.  Where are you?”

“Everywhere and nowhere. Now, move towards the light.”

“You’re creating a physical window from inside the Matrix into… what’s through there? _My TARDIS?_ They didn’t teach you _that_ at the Academy.”

“No,” she smiled fondly.  Adrift in the Vortex, and he was still trying to puzzle her out.  “I had personal tuition.”

“I’m remembering a name, a face— River, River Song!  I know you, I’ve met you, _so many_ times— The Great Storm, the Discordia, Vienna—”

“And all the other times, too,” she said softly.

The look on his face as the memories settled, and with them, everything he’d lost— if she lived, she would be trying not to see that face every time she closed her eyes.  

Oh, her poor Doctor.  None of it was ever fair.

“I always forget,” he said, and she knew instantly that the anguish in his voice would haunt her too.

“It has to be this way for now.  The rivers of time wash us both clean.  This was a detour.  On my way to… wherever it is I’m going.  I’ve a feeling I’m almost at my final destination.”

This was it.  She had to leave him.  Her heart was in her throat.  

“It’s been lovely seeing you again,” she said, with all the desperate love that was nearly choking her.

“And you, for the first time,” the Doctor murmured sadly.

“I’ve given you _so many_ first times.  I’ll only ever have one.  Now go, your friends are waiting.”

“You’ll be trapped, inside the Vortex while it collapses!”

“That’s the last time I let you arrange one of our dates,” she teased.  They never could part on a real goodbye.  That would be admitting it was the end.  

“River, thank you!”

“We’ll meet again!” she called as he began to pass through the door.

“When?  Where?!” he shouted desperately.

“Spoilers, sweetie.”

___

Well, this was it.  The Vortex would soon be destroyed— even if he saved the future, which River knew he would, it likely wouldn’t be in time to spare her.  She wouldn’t survive long in the Vortex in any case. Even if it weren’t collapsing, the time winds would tear her apart.  It was an appropriate ending, she thought.  It was alright.  She was a child of a TARDIS, a creature of time, and her life had certainly given the laws of time a run for their money.  She began in the Vortex; this was where she would end.

For now, at least.

She closed her eyes, and as expected, she saw the devastation on her dear young Doctor’s face.  

She saw baby Milly, waiting for her mummy to come home, and her heart constricted painfully.  

 _No, no, don’t think of that._  Think of this as one more necessary step.  One step closer to their reunion.

She saw her sweet Scot, his face lit by the rising sun, tears in his eyes and a tremulous smile on his lips, and a promise between them she knew he would keep.  No matter what.  _Love is a promise._

She saw… a red light?

River cracked an eye open, and the light was still there.  Shining in the distance, like a star, but no star was _that_ red, not from this far.  She squinted at it, but was distracted by a sort of humming in her pocket.

She pulled out her sonic.  The normally-blue bulb was glowing red.

“I didn’t know it had a red setting,” she mumbled, instantly feeling ridiculous to be talking to herself and inspecting functions of her screwdriver in the midst of a collapsing Time Vortex.

The light waxed and waned, like a flashing beacon, like it was… transmitting.

“Oh, you ridiculous man,” she whispered.  “You can’t save me yet; I haven’t died yet!  I need to do that first!”

The red star was growing brighter, getting closer.  She had to close her eyes against the slanting beams of ruby light, shielding her face with her arms, while the pulsing hum of the screwdriver in her hand grew stronger, and the time winds began to whip and swirl around her—

Everything lurched, gravity shifting and throwing her weight about, almost like Vortex manipulator travel, but that was impossible, the Vortex was collapsing—

Gravity suddenly reorientated itself, and her feet, surprised to be underneath her once again, didn’t quite catch on quickly enough.

Her eyes opened as she fell to the floor in an undignified heap, and about a second later the Doctor burst through the door.

“River?”  His arms were instantly around her, hoisting her back up.  “What happened, dear?  You have a rough trip?”

She looked around, bewildered.  It was their bedroom.  Right where she’d left.

“I’m, I’m, I’m back here.  Back to Baker Street.”

“You’ve only been gone ten minutes.”  He kissed her cheek.

“Ten whole minutes, huh?” she mumbled, dazed.  “How did you keep busy?”

“Wasn’t easy.  I’ll tell you, worrying about my wife staying alive whilst making sure my daughter doesn’t throw herself headlong down the stairs— which she is suddenly _determined_ to do, by the way, so watch out for that— totally dull.  Didn’t keep me occupied at all.”

“Huh,” River said, letting out a shaky laugh.

“Honey, are you okay?  Did something happen?”

River’s eyes finally came into focus on his sweet, concerned face, and her mind flashed again with the image of him, agonised as he remembered all that they had, all that he couldn’t keep.

Tears stung her eyes and she threw herself at him, swallowing his squeak of surprise as he stumbled back until his legs hit the bed.

Her head swam again as the Doctor tipped back onto the mattress with her securely in his arms.

After about thirty seconds, he started to make “mmf” noises and tap her shoulder, though he didn’t actually have the will to stop kissing her back.  River regretfully broke away, and the Doctor looked up at her, flushed and breathless, and smiled as he panted “Kid, stairs, remember?”

“Milly?” River called, rolling off to the side so the Doctor could sit up.

The stomp-stomp-stomp of little feet sounded from her room across the corridor, and Milly came toddling through the door, her arms full of an eclectic pile of toys.

River scooped her up and deposited her on the bed, toys scattering everywhere as she showered her little face with kisses and Milly shrieked “Mummy!” while she giggled and squirmed.

“You must have had a day, love,” the Doctor said, and River finished tormenting Milly with kisses in favour of holding her close against her chest, curled around her on the bed.  He was watching with a smile on his lips but concern in his eyes.

“Yes,” she sighed, placing a kiss on the top of Milly’s head.  “But I’m home.”

___

After her near-death experience, River felt less of a sense of dread lingering over her.  It hadn’t been easy to practise what she preached to the Doctor when it came to worrying about the end; only consoling him had made her able to stay composed.  But now, she felt a new sense of calm in the routine of their life, if it could be called a routine.  

Milly was over a year old, and they began to take more trips, showing her round the safer wonders of the universe.  The Doctor had really needed the change of scenery, and he was so excited to show Milly everything, River had to frequently calm him down and help him remember to do one thing at a time.

She continued to take assignments as well, both from Galactic Heritage and her archaeology department on Luna.  Most of them were fairly quick and uneventful digs, but sometimes it was nice to do a little run-of-the-mill artefact retrieval without the fate of the universe hanging in the balance.

On an ordinary evening— relative to their schedule at least— whilst the TARDIS was parked in the Vortex between destinations, River received an invitation.

“Oh, this one looks interesting,” she said from her seat in the armchair in the control room.  Milly was sprawled over her lap, asleep, and the message had come up on her nav-comm.  “It’s sponsored by some corporation that wants us to sign confidentiality agreements… _that_ is not happening,” she chuckled.  “But some of my post-grad students from when I was teaching on Luna are signed onto the expedition.  Good ones, too— I haven’t seen Anita in ages!  Oh, I have to go.”

“What’s the job?” the Doctor asked, looking at her over the console, in the melodramatic blue light.

“It’s a planet, a whole planet, that’s all a library.  And it used to be teeming with people, but everyone on it vanished, or was killed, all at once, a hundred years before the expedition’s scheduled.”

The Doctor frowned.  “Sounds like it could be dangerous.”

“Honey, I quite frequently go into _active_ life-threatening situations, I think I can handle one that was over a hundred years ago.”

“I suppose.”

“Need I remind you of your intense hypocrisy?”

“No,” he sighed, “but maybe invite me along, just in case?”

She grinned.  “You say that like I wasn’t going to already, sweetie.  Here, chuck the psychic paper over.  I’ll write you a note.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> please do not throw fruits and veggies at me, you know I had to do it!!


End file.
